Feedback on Draft Three
05 / 06 / 2023
A place to think about and note down ideas and challenges to develop the script of The Crowboy ...
05.06.2023
I sent out the draft of The Crowboy to some friends and colleagues in order to get feedback on the script. Here are some excerpts of the things I heard back. I will add more as they arrive.
FEEDBACK 1
many mysteries and questions
intriguing and engaging
why did the girl and her mom care?
why did some other villagers care?
why did only women care?
fear
to drive it out of the villageto not be able to go look at it
i could relate to this feeling thing in the gutsnot knowing what it is, but feeling like the ground had disappeared and something's not right
i found it beautiful, this unspoken knowing and agreement, caring amongst some villagers and the mom & daughter.
no words, but understanding of some communal feelings and concerns.no words, but this communal ritual of sort. perhaps stronger because of no words.
FEEDBACK 2
I love this. It seems to me the way it’s written is from different perspectives so I’d be interested to see it performed as one person at different points.
Intriguing enough and yet slow and subtle. You’re very clever with that. There’s a gentleness to the intrigue which I love in your writing. And a depth of psychology to the characters. It’s something I find really enjoyable.
Personally I think It’s too short - but maybe I’m just greedy and I want more!!!!!
It’s definitely very visual for me too. I don’t think I’d enjoy it as much with a plain scenography. But I guess that’s why different directors do things different - it’s good you give people the options to be able to work to their own strengths and style …
FEEDBACK 3
I had a read through ...
It's clever how the parts act like threads around the kernel of the Crowboy's story/myth in Part III. Starting out the way Parts I and II do, I almost didn't expect to ever learn that the Crowboy was a thing...in a way I expected it to only be an esoteric title of the work. It was nice to be given the half-recalled maybe-myth there in the middle. The voice in Part III feels almost like a Douglas Coupland novel.
I enjoy that the Parts toss the story back and forth between tellers both inside and outside the main plot events. I also enjoy that the only character with a name or concrete description is the Crowboy ... or I suppose, technically, the half-remembered celebrity on TV in Part III.
The dramaturgy notes on page 2 are helpful. I guess my own curiosity wonders-- I know you leave the movement up to the cast/director, but what do you imagine that scene to be like?
FEEDBACK 4
Sense of myth
A mystery
The stakes can be higher
/ there can be a bit more digging or information that teases out or contradicts
There is a Faithhealer vibe, a little bit
I wonder if it is about trying to get people/the audience to believe in something
How do people feel like a fiction is a real thing?
What does it mean to realise something is just a story? Is there a sadness in that realisation somehow? In that letting go of the tent possibility of it being real?
I think you can push your language more if you want
More play in the naturalism
And/or sharper
I think it’s quite open at the moment
Which is good, but I think you can also put a bit of a push on it to give a stronger impression of what you think thematically
What you want it to be about overall, and this to be woven into the structure
Why the interviews? Why the movement?
What do they do thematically and why?
I sent out the draft of The Crowboy to some friends and colleagues in order to get feedback on the script. Here are some excerpts of the things I heard back. I will add more as they arrive.
FEEDBACK 1
many mysteries and questions
intriguing and engaging
why did the girl and her mom care?
why did some other villagers care?
why did only women care?
fear
to drive it out of the villageto not be able to go look at it
i could relate to this feeling thing in the gutsnot knowing what it is, but feeling like the ground had disappeared and something's not right
i found it beautiful, this unspoken knowing and agreement, caring amongst some villagers and the mom & daughter.
no words, but understanding of some communal feelings and concerns.no words, but this communal ritual of sort. perhaps stronger because of no words.
FEEDBACK 2
I love this. It seems to me the way it’s written is from different perspectives so I’d be interested to see it performed as one person at different points.
Intriguing enough and yet slow and subtle. You’re very clever with that. There’s a gentleness to the intrigue which I love in your writing. And a depth of psychology to the characters. It’s something I find really enjoyable.
Personally I think It’s too short - but maybe I’m just greedy and I want more!!!!!
It’s definitely very visual for me too. I don’t think I’d enjoy it as much with a plain scenography. But I guess that’s why different directors do things different - it’s good you give people the options to be able to work to their own strengths and style …
FEEDBACK 3
I had a read through ...
It's clever how the parts act like threads around the kernel of the Crowboy's story/myth in Part III. Starting out the way Parts I and II do, I almost didn't expect to ever learn that the Crowboy was a thing...in a way I expected it to only be an esoteric title of the work. It was nice to be given the half-recalled maybe-myth there in the middle. The voice in Part III feels almost like a Douglas Coupland novel.
I enjoy that the Parts toss the story back and forth between tellers both inside and outside the main plot events. I also enjoy that the only character with a name or concrete description is the Crowboy ... or I suppose, technically, the half-remembered celebrity on TV in Part III.
The dramaturgy notes on page 2 are helpful. I guess my own curiosity wonders-- I know you leave the movement up to the cast/director, but what do you imagine that scene to be like?
FEEDBACK 4
Sense of myth
A mystery
The stakes can be higher
/ there can be a bit more digging or information that teases out or contradicts
There is a Faithhealer vibe, a little bit
I wonder if it is about trying to get people/the audience to believe in something
How do people feel like a fiction is a real thing?
What does it mean to realise something is just a story? Is there a sadness in that realisation somehow? In that letting go of the tent possibility of it being real?
I think you can push your language more if you want
More play in the naturalism
And/or sharper
I think it’s quite open at the moment
Which is good, but I think you can also put a bit of a push on it to give a stronger impression of what you think thematically
What you want it to be about overall, and this to be woven into the structure
Why the interviews? Why the movement?
What do they do thematically and why?